Wednesday, October 26, 2005


tired and bored..

i was at the wake the whole day alone.. my mum was sick she din go..

hmm..

life is so fragile...

i was thinkin about loadsa stuff today.. cos i was alone.. with my aunts and cousins.. and the only common topic we had is food.. they keep gettin food for me.. and i dunno how to say no.. then i juz keep eating.. then i oso offer them food only..

okie .. back to wad i tot about..

okie you see.. some ppl think tt dying is so damn scary and they are all so scared to die..
but i thought not.. dying is not scary.. leaving your loved ones behind is definatly the most scary and no one will bear to do so...

its like seeing so many ppl weeping and all the teary eyes.. makes me wanna cry too.. its like.. unbearable.... i wont know wad i wuld do if someone so dear leaves me for paradise..its like emotional and physical torment.. very very torturous... i dare not look at my uncle the whole time.. i was afraid.. i might break down and not talk.. i din go near the coffin... i just helped out at the wake..

then i was thinking wad happens if someone so dear leaves me.. wad would my reactions be wad would i do..wad will happen and loads of stuff.. then i imagined seeing my closed ones part then i couldnt help it and started tearing.. its way scary... i know immortality does not exist but i just dont wanna see them leave..

sometimes i just hope.. tt they can live as long as i do.. and if we leave ..we'll go together but i know its rubbish.. its jus me and my day dream and wild mind...

but going through tt torment its damn scarry...

i couldnt take it... i chose not to look ... but i know its dumb ... but i was scared.. im sorry...

eyes sparkled at 12:03 AM

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