Monday, December 20, 2004


i can't stand the fact that i m already 16 and yet i still gotta be under ur watchful eyes.... every one in class has at least a lil more freedom then i do... i cant take it anymore...its annoying.... its not as if i dun know hoe to take care of myself i m 16....i helped take care of di mei before....u always say tt u dun have to worry tt much for mi since i m older but the fact is tt u dun....... u make mi look as if i m juz a primary sch kid..... i hate it....... if i wanna go out ..u always say no... if i persist u start asking questionnSss....

who r u out with..
where are u going...
wad time will u be back...
are ur frends bad..?
u shuld noe tt i dun like u to go out.....
dun go out ok?

these are nonsenses....... i cannot deny the fact tht u r caring mum but this is over protective........ everytime after u say yes u will tell mi can u not go out pls........ i look like some sort of kid.....yes... every child is still a kid in their parents' eyes even though they are grown up like 30 40 yrs old.... but they at least respect the fact tt their child is already a grown up... i like it when ppl say tt i have a caring mum...but dun u think tt u r over doing it.... i look like some sort of mountain tortise when i m out with ppl... i dunno this and i dunno tt... yes i m fortunate to be borne into this home with everything i maynot be the richest...but at least i get to have 3 proper meals per day and have tibits to eat if i m bored..... but .. i dun wanna be always controlled by u....... some times i really hope tt u do read blogs... u told mi once when i was a kid... dun spend ur time watching tv all the time.... write a diary or something...at least it helps u improve ur english..... now i m 16 ... i get to know wad a diary is useful for..s o i started writing wad ever tt happens to mi in sch or at home... i like my blog... it helps mi express my feelings... one fine day u found out abt it cos i told u tt i had misunderstandings with my friend over blog entries and u keep tellin mi to delete it......... a Diary is for one to express ones feelings to let ppl know how i feel tt day ... if im happy ppl get to share it if i m sad ppl get to know it....if i m angry i got a place to air it.....isnt this good...better then sneaking into pubs late at nite drinkin my bladder out???? better then smokin my lungs out cos i m sad rite.... or maybe dance till i drop if i m happy?

this is not wad i want... i have been a good girl since i was born...i hardly got into any trouble except once or twice throwing tantrums....i know u know it deep down it ur heart tt i m a good girl why aren't u proud of it.......i may not be the smartest kid amongst ur frens children..but i know i tried my best........ huiyi ask mi before...who m i studying for? she said tt im studying for myself not my parents... i m always very disappointed when i see u all sad over my results... i start to hate myself for being stupid... why can't i be a lil brighter and do u proud... i hate it when u tell mi tt daddy's collegues always ask him abt our results and he dunno how to say it.....i keep on studying so daddy wunt be disgraced when he tells ppl my result....i told myself i muz be a good girl so u wont be worried... i admit i m studying for u not myself.....and i hate it......... i dunno why...i feel stupid.....

finally i graduateed from secondary school... i get to stop touching the books for a while i get to stop all my tuitions and i m happy abt that........ i dun wanna be a lazy fellow staying at home all day doing nth at all... ppl get to go to jc for the first 3 mths and stupid mi dint study hard for my prelims... and i cant go... tts y i wanna go work.....daddy approves of it........ every frend of mine hu wants to work gets their parent's full support...their parents want them to know tt its hard to earn money ..at least if they get a job they dun laze ard and be a good for nothing.... i dun wanna be a good for nth... i wanna be someone tt u will be proud of... but u always want to pour cold water one mi....... u wan me to study....u wan mi to take up other courses... pls i finally can get rid of books for a while and u want mi to study.... u purposely speak in chinese on the phone juz now with aunty wadever to tell her how not pleased tt i m lookin for a job....how annoying tt daddy approves of it..... how u wish tt i could take up some courses to improve myself....... its annoying i hate it.......... i know u mean well but I DUN WANT TO BE A GOOD FOR NOTHING... if i work i get experience on the working society..... i get to know truely how hard is it to earn money ...by studying i only get to know tt earning monet is difficult... maths formulas are this and tt... histroy is who and who... chinese is to know ur roots......... but so wad if i study all my life and dun get a job.... i still wun know how to support myself....... and i dun wan it to happen so i m getting a job ..........

Wad annoys mi more is when she put down the phone juz now... she asked mi when are u goin to pack ur things... dun work i'll pay u 50 bucks for u to pack ur books and paper...wad do u mean by tt..i m desprerate for money..??? u make mi feel so low.........i wanna work not for the money but juz to work to get away frm home and get experience........u get it.......... now i m really disappointed........i m begining to hate u ..........more.

eyes sparkled at 7:02 PM

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